Brisk Walks and Impending Doom.

I agree with Daniels last post, this place can/should be a place of catharsis, an open source diary or journal of sorts where you know that people who care are reading.

So to start off, something I haven't been talking to anyone about but should be.
My parents split up. My mom moved out earlier this week, and let me know in a text message of all things. Starting at about November I noticed a shift in their interactions. They didn't seem to want to be in the same room as each other, but my mom seemed intent on putting on a facade of "normality". Thanksgiving was quite, heavy. The tension in the air was palpable, with my dad not hiding any of his feelings and my mom trying to hide all of hers, while the "whole" family was together. My has Dad been pretty upfront about what has been going on, and in a weird way its brought us closer together. My mom has been more and more distant, choosing to only communicate with me through text messages and emails and being incredibly aloof about her whereabouts on a daily basis. I still don't know where she even moved to. She hinted at her sisters but never put that into any factual realm.

For me this is weird to say the least. I don't really know how I am feeling about it all. Part of me is seeing it as a young adult, seeing my parents as people with their own problems, not my parents. Another part of me is 5 years old with all the ideas and foundations I sort of structured my life with, being ripped out from underneath me. This sort of like, "well have things always been bad?" feeling. How much of my ideas about communication and romance and relationships and family are wrong? Am I a bad communicator? Am I a poor learner? Am I a stubborn ass like my father? Do I bottle up all my emotions and run away like my mother?
I don't feel like I have enough the space to answer these questions let alone the emotional wherewith all to answer them myself. I'm feeling pretty alone and isolated recently. Taking to listening to lots of music and playing guitar a lot.

I don't know how I am feeling, its just nice to spill. Thanks for reading guys.
I feel like I could use you now more then ever a beer and a floral couch, maybe some radiohead filtering in from another room... but I also feel like that is too much backpedaling... maybe beer in a Japanese apartment building with some Baroness floating in, heh.

Recent Distractions
Four Tet - There is Love in You
It may be my current mood/emotional state, but, this album is amazing.
Definitely a "headphones" album if you know what I mean. A personal journey taken late at night or early in the morning on a bus, fog still clinging to the mountains like cobwebs, sun waking up. I have very rarely listened to an album end over end repeatedly in the past couple years, the last one being probably...I don't know...
It just pulses with a life, digital artifacts and all. I recently started playing with one of the programs Keiran Hebdan uses "Audio Mulch" its a lot of fun.

Melvins - Pick Your Battles '89/08
This came with a comic book I bought by Brian Walsby called Manchild.
Its one half live recording from 89 in Berkeley at the Gilman, and one half live recording done in Boston at the Paradise club. I think the Melvins have become my favorite band. A lovely blend of good chops, great song writing, heaviness and fun. Taking themselves both too seriously and not seriously at all. The early recordings paired with the new ones makes a nice contrast. Going from a 3 piece, to the 4 piece/2 drum monster-machine they have become. The record ends with Boris, which along with probably Hooch, are pretty quintessential Melvins tunes. A nice culminaton of things.

Readings
Two Gentlemen of Verona and A Midsummer Nights Dream by William Shakespeare
I felt like reading these after reading the Two Gentlemen of Lebowski, heh.
Philip K Dicks - Valis
Auldous Huxleys - Brave New World
Virginia Woolf - A Room of One's Own