A year of gradual reparations.

Although I haven't posted since (!!!) February, I've continued to read y'all's posts and I continue to appreciate hearing from all of you. I've sat down to write an entry on several occasions in the past few months and found it hard to do so. This year has felt like a hard one to really reflect on; although certainly nothing terrible has happened, and indeed quite a few wonderful things have befallen me, my overall state of being is one of quiet endurance, the primary source of which is the same problem that I wrote about almost a year ago: my fucked up legs. I continue to do what I can to heal them, and I continue to find many joys throughout every day, but I find my ambition for getting myself past my current state of existence (working a low-paying job, wondering about larger life goals, attempting to find enduring sources of concentration and passion) to be lacking. If someone close to me were ask how I was doing, I would most likely shrug, and genuinely have difficulty finding a satisfying answer. I am doing what I can with what I have, but I feel in some ways that I am stagnating - that I have reached a mental obstacle that I have yet to overcome. Perhaps I am doing the right thing by focusing on the simple everyday joys, instead of worrying about the larger things. Perhaps not.

With that aside, it has been a wonderful year in many ways, if not a very inward one. I feel badly about the friends who still live close to me that I have not seen in far too long. I saw Mike Manomivibul a few weeks back, which was great, but we both laughed at how foolish it is that we live half a mile away and only just recently reconnected. But in any case, to any of you that read this blog and live in the Bay Area still, I mean no ill will by my hermitishness. I am always happy to hear from any of you.

To quickly sum up major events from the past months, which most of you already know: I quit Actual Cafe in June, cuz it sucked. I was unemployed for a little over a month, which, although financially destabilizing, was pretty refreshing. I got a job at Farley's East, immediately went to Europe (Amsterdam, Paris, Barcelona) for two weeks, which rocked. I have been dating a lady named Sara since May, which has been wonderful. She's pretty awesome. You should meet her. Now I'm pretty settled into my work schedule, and I've been doing a lot of reading and a ton of music listening. I spend a lot of time at Sara's place. We've both had our share of health issues holding us back this year, so it's been nice to have someone else that really understands and empathizes. We share an insane passion for music and have seen some pretty damn good concerts lately, including Isis, Kylesa, Torche and High on Fire at the Great American Music Hall, Avishai Cohen and Ahmad Jamal at Yoshi's Oakland, and Russian Circles and Keelhaul at Bottom of the Hill.

So. As the year ends, I feel like the going is slow, but I feel like I'm at least in a more comfortable place than I was at the end of last year. It could be a hell of a lot worse, I can tell ya. I truly hope that everyone who reads this is doing well for themselves, and I hope your holidays have been good so far and will continue to be so.

Listenings:

Intronaut: Valley of Smoke, Prehistoricisms

Mouth of the Architect: Quietly, The Violence Beneath

Kylesa: Spiral Shadow

Keelhaul: Keelhaul's Triumphant Return to Obscurity, Subject to Change Without Notice

Neurosis: Enemy of the Sun, Through Silver In Blood

Converge: Axe To Fall

Del Rey: Immemorial

Russian Circles: Station

Yakuza: Of Seismic Consequence

Dethklok: The Dethalbum

Megadeth: Rust in Peace

High on Fire: Snakes for the Divine

Deathspell Omega: Paracletus

Opeth: Blackwater Park

Shellac: At Action Park, 1000 Hurts

Avishai Cohen: Continuo, Gently Disturbed

Freddie Hubbard: Red Clay

Rudresh Mahanthappa & Steve Lehman: Dual Identity

Readings:

Neal Stephenson: Cryptonomicon, Snow Crash

Kurt Vonnegut: Bluebeard

Richard Dawkins: The God Delusion

Sam Harris: The End of Faith, Letter to a Christian Nation

forgotten

Ps. I forgot to post a picture of the $2700 USED Santa Cruz Guitar I am lusting after. It's a "Pre-War" Dreadnought. Pre-war means it uses pre-ww2 techniques and doesn't have a lot of ornamentation.

But Oh, If I Could Only Get You Oceanside

These wintry months are lovely.

Tuesday the 8th I went on a tour of the Santa Cruz Guitar Companies factory. It was wonderful, the owner, Richard, is the one who gives the tour, and he has been doing this since the late 60's I believe, but when he got into it there was no one to ask how to make good handcrafted steel string guitars, because all the major guitar makers, Gibson, Martin and to some degree Fender, were all factory assembling there guitars, so he went to violin makers to get his techniques, which makes some fine instruments. The SCGC uses mostly reclaimed wood for their guitars, so some of the wood they use is very old (they had pieces of wood from a downed santa cruz cypress that was nearly 2200 years old [guHdang]). This also means that most, if not all of the wood they use is already "opened up". Most guitars have a period of time, like a bottle of wine, where the wood settles and the instrument just sounds, better, but these don't necessarily need that. This also means they are quite pricey (starting at $3360 at the "least" expensive to $240,000 being the most they ever sold a guitar for), but will never depreciate and will just keep getting better. These guitars are meant to be passed down like violins from player to player. They are truly a sight to beyond and a sound to be a heard. I once played an expensive Gibson acoustic and couldn't really tell in the sound, why it cost so much, sure, it was much "prettier" or made up then the less expensive ones, but the sound wasn't doing it. The first time I picked up an SCGC it was like hearing a guitar for the first time, pretty impressive. When I left I gave Richard a resume and hopefully will be gainfully employed in their workshop in the near future. Fortune favors the bold.

I recently (about a month ago) found a dark green canvas hooded jacket at the job I was working at, it was left behind by someone, maybe a delivery driver, but who knows. It is an Xtra Small, and fits me perfectly, and seems to be the jacket I have been looking for my whole life. Layers well, waterproof, warm, has like 9 pockets. Quite lovely.

Music
The Avett Brothers - I and Love and You Lp and Emotionalism Lp
The Avett Brothers are stunning. They are (surprise) two brothers, fronting an indie-alt-folk band, one on banjo, one on guitar, both sing. For some reason I have had quite the affinity for folk music right now, its touching something in me, almost sentimental. Ernest, heartfelt ballads of love, ache, winning, losing, learning, making mistakes and living life. If you guys haven't listened to them, certainly check them out.

Ray LaMontagne - God Willin' and the Creek Don't Rise Lp
Again, a album and artist answering some hitherto unknown ache in me for folk tinged rock music. Ray's voice is sultry, sad and sexy. Some times the grooves him and his band get into edge on the funky side. I am loving this album.

Dylan LaBlanc - Paupers Field
This singer/guitarist from Louisiana is quite awesome. He's only 20 but his lyrics belie that fact quite a bit, he sounds haggard, like life dealt him a rough hand. Its pretty solid americana-country rock, but heartbreakingly lovely.

The Decemberists - 5 Songs Ep, The Tain EP and Down by the Water single
I've fallen back in love with The Decemberists, had a bit of a falling out after The Hazards of Love album but I am quite smitten again. Not much to say, I feel like you love them or you hate them. There new single is pretty great IMO.

Tomes
Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart
This book...oh my. It is amazing. Its about the future but not very far in the future, like next year in the future, where everyone carries around an "apparati" that streams everybody else's "apparati" all your stats (cholesteral, hotness etc etc) all the time. Its told through the main character Larry's diary entries and his love interest Eunice Park's blog entries. Pretty spectacular.

Anathema by Neal Stephenson
Anathema is about a "monastery" that is in the middle of city, that shies away from technology, using only stone, chalk and paper, and they have existed this way, isolated from the outside cities for some couple millennia, and then one of the members has to venture out. Its about 1300 pages and I'm only about 100 pages in or so, so it will get nutso I am sure. Stephenson is an amazing author so it is greatly written.

Black Swan Green by David Mitchell
A semi-autobiographical book taking place in England in 1982. Its pretty witty and crushingly genuine. The writing is spot on too. I was originally looking for Mitchell's other book Cloud Atlas, but the King Library did not have it. Ah well, this is good too.

I hope all is well.

Wits end and Back Again.

Happy Thanksgiving my dear friends. My apologies on posting such a seemingly despairing post only to up and disappear for a couple of months. Truth be told I’ve been extremely busy and haven’t actually checked the blog in a little over a month. More specifically to Darin, I didn’t realize you had inquired about having a Skype conversation. I think I’ve seen you online, be it on skype or ichat, countless times since you wrote that post. I just wanted to clarify that I wasn’t neglecting you and I would love to chat with whenever you might have a free minute.

Since returning from India it seems like I’ve been plagued by a continuous string of physical ailments. First India laid waste to my digestive track and I haven’t been regular since. Following that, I pulled a tendon in my leg which was then succeeded by pinched nerve in my back, and now I have cold, which after 2 days of trying to talk over unruly children has resulted in the loss of my voice. Yeah, I know WTF right? I could very well chock it up to getting old, but I think it’s connected with the problem I mentioned in my previous post. A healthy mind, a healthy body, right? Perhaps since my mind hasn’t been exceptionally healthy as of late my body has also faltered as a result. Granted these ailments are nothing significant or life threatening, they have still been a constant enough occurrence to be a nuisance.

On the topic of my anxiety, it’s receded recently and has become less of a “fear factor” in my day-to-day goings on. I feel as if I’m returning to my normal self. There are still, however, instances where the uncertainty and questioning returns. Though for the most part I can successfully dismiss the thoughts, rather than allow them to be all consuming and destructive. My apologies for discussing this issue, yet failing to give you any back ground details. It must all sound very vague. But like I said before I don’t feel this space is the best location to discuss the topic in depth. I did feel, however, that since the topic dominated my last post that I should at least give you an update. And aside from the physical ailments mentioned above, I find myself in much better spirits than when I posted last.

Perhaps you know but in case you don’t, I’ve decided to bring my sojourn in Japan to a close. Which means that come next August I will be returning stateside. I’ve talked over the decision with a number of people. And of course there are arguments for both sides. But I feel in my heart that the right thing to do is to return home. I’ve gotten about all I can from this experience. People often point out how privileged I am to have a job, let alone a job in a foreign country with a decent salary and with ample free time to travel. I can understand all of those arguments but to that I say, “this is no career.” I can’t go any further than I have in this job and ultimately it relates little to what I truly want to be doing.

In the end it all comes down to what I’m seeking. Two and a half years ago I sought this experience. Despite encountering a few hiccups along the way it has been amazing and I’m sure the next 8 months will continue to be amazing. But now I’m seeking something new. I find myself restless again. Yet unlike three years ago I’m not looking to uproot myself and gallivant around the world. I’m looking to establish roots, to reconnect with family and friends and to focus on my art. I’m not so naïve to believe that I will have a successful career as an illustrator, but I have to make an attempt at doing so before I write it off. I won’t be content unless I’ve given it my best effort and that’s where I am now, preparing to return and give it my best.

Knowing that this experience will come to an end in roughly 8 months I’ve set about making the most of my remaining time here. About a week ago I took a short 4-day vacation and headed down to visit a friend in Kyoto. The trip had the dual purpose of one, visiting a friend I hadn’t seen in about 8 months and two, taking in the autumn leaves in one of Japans most enchanting cities. As Darin can attest to, Kyoto is quite a magical place. With palaces, gardens, castles and countless temples and shrines, Kyoto is the Japan of most people’s imaginations. With that said though, it’s easy to get burnt out on temples and shrines in Kyoto. This happened to be my second trip there. I think I wrote a rather long passage about the beauty of autumn leaves in one of my mass emails, maybe during my first year. I won’t go so far as that now, but let’s just say it gets to me. It also gets to about 90 percent of Japans population. With up to date reports online, in newspapers and on newscasts, the “koyo” as it’s called, is a well-documented phenomena in Japan. People flock from all over to go to the best viewing locations. Kyoto with It’s antique charm is one such a place. Despite the throngs of people, it was a great trip.

Some other trips in the pipelines are a road trip during winter break to Kyushu (The southern most island of Japan’s 4 major Islands), a romantic get away for 2 at an Onsen (hotspring) resort on the Japan Sea, A tentative bike tour around Shikoku (another of the 4 major islands) following the 88 temples pilgrimage route, a 4-day hike through the Japanese Alps, lastly if timing and funds permit a trip to the Philippines. We’ll see how many of those plans become a reality. I’m going to try my best to get to the Philippines, it’s part of my ancestry that I don’t identify with but feel it compelled to explore. Especially so, considering how accessible the Philippines is from Japan.

At this point I should wish everyone a happy belated Thanksgiving, as it’s been almost a week since I sat down and began writing this post. I’ve been struck recently by the overwhelming sensation that I’m becoming an adult. One reason is the number of wedding invitations and engagement announcements I’ve received in my inbox in recent months. I was again hit pretty hard by the fact when Nancy and I sat down for Thanksgiving dinner. It was the first Thanksgiving meal I cooked entirely on my own. The menu included a tofurkey made from scratch, stuffed with apple raisin whole-wheat stuffing, and with garlic mashed potatoes and sautéed green beans as sides. Of course no Thanksgiving is complete with out pie, so to top it all off, a home made pumpkin pie. As we popped open a bottle of red wine and prepared to sit down to our Thanksgiving meal Nancy and I began the clichéd tradition of stating what we are thankful for. Receiving wedding invitations, preparing my own thanksgiving dinner with, such seemingly insignificant occurrences imply a coming of age. I’m by no means resistant to adulthood; I’m not trying to cling to my fleeting youth here. I’m 25 for goodness sake, that would just border on absurd. Rather it’s just a sensation, which recently, has been recurring.

I’ve included a few from my trip to Kyoto as well as a set documenting the creation of a tofurkey. Also I’ve included the final version of my fall inspired work, titled Unravel: Falls Passage. Hopefully the bay area isn’t as frigid as Japan. I look forward to the string of responses that will hopefully result from this post. All of you are in my thoughts this holiday season.

Words: (Reading has slowed lately)

The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp

This book was recommended by a former instructor, Bob Ciano. It was actually required reading for a course, though given time constraints I skimmed the contents. “Talent is nothing without wisdom” and wisdom comes from the habitual process of creating. The author, a renowned choreographer, offers various insights into the importance of persistence, discipline, and routine in the creative process.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig

Actually I ended up putting this one down for a while and just recently returning to it. It’s Insightful philosophical inquiry into the values of modern society. Not a light read though, hence having dropped It and

Notes:

Kylesa- Spiral Shadow and Static Tensions

I looked into Kylesa at Nyk’s recommendation. I find myself really enjoying the sludgy riffs. I also like that the band leans a bit toward psychedelic rock while still being very metal.

Charles Mingus- Black Saint and the Sinner Lady

If you haven’t heard this LISTEN TO IT! I've been on Jazz trip lately and while alot of the recordings I'm listening to are amazing, Black Saint and the Sinner Lady is phenomenal. I haven’t had an album hit me this hard in long time. It’s manic, a musical psychodrama, and possibly one of the most emotive pieces of music I’ve ever heard. It could be classified as jazz but Mingus and company freely jump from genre to genre here, occasionally degenerating into what seems to be chaos. Of course, it’s orchestrated chaos and it works beautifully, never seeming contrived.

Best,

Nikko