Wits end and Back Again.

Happy Thanksgiving my dear friends. My apologies on posting such a seemingly despairing post only to up and disappear for a couple of months. Truth be told I’ve been extremely busy and haven’t actually checked the blog in a little over a month. More specifically to Darin, I didn’t realize you had inquired about having a Skype conversation. I think I’ve seen you online, be it on skype or ichat, countless times since you wrote that post. I just wanted to clarify that I wasn’t neglecting you and I would love to chat with whenever you might have a free minute.

Since returning from India it seems like I’ve been plagued by a continuous string of physical ailments. First India laid waste to my digestive track and I haven’t been regular since. Following that, I pulled a tendon in my leg which was then succeeded by pinched nerve in my back, and now I have cold, which after 2 days of trying to talk over unruly children has resulted in the loss of my voice. Yeah, I know WTF right? I could very well chock it up to getting old, but I think it’s connected with the problem I mentioned in my previous post. A healthy mind, a healthy body, right? Perhaps since my mind hasn’t been exceptionally healthy as of late my body has also faltered as a result. Granted these ailments are nothing significant or life threatening, they have still been a constant enough occurrence to be a nuisance.

On the topic of my anxiety, it’s receded recently and has become less of a “fear factor” in my day-to-day goings on. I feel as if I’m returning to my normal self. There are still, however, instances where the uncertainty and questioning returns. Though for the most part I can successfully dismiss the thoughts, rather than allow them to be all consuming and destructive. My apologies for discussing this issue, yet failing to give you any back ground details. It must all sound very vague. But like I said before I don’t feel this space is the best location to discuss the topic in depth. I did feel, however, that since the topic dominated my last post that I should at least give you an update. And aside from the physical ailments mentioned above, I find myself in much better spirits than when I posted last.

Perhaps you know but in case you don’t, I’ve decided to bring my sojourn in Japan to a close. Which means that come next August I will be returning stateside. I’ve talked over the decision with a number of people. And of course there are arguments for both sides. But I feel in my heart that the right thing to do is to return home. I’ve gotten about all I can from this experience. People often point out how privileged I am to have a job, let alone a job in a foreign country with a decent salary and with ample free time to travel. I can understand all of those arguments but to that I say, “this is no career.” I can’t go any further than I have in this job and ultimately it relates little to what I truly want to be doing.

In the end it all comes down to what I’m seeking. Two and a half years ago I sought this experience. Despite encountering a few hiccups along the way it has been amazing and I’m sure the next 8 months will continue to be amazing. But now I’m seeking something new. I find myself restless again. Yet unlike three years ago I’m not looking to uproot myself and gallivant around the world. I’m looking to establish roots, to reconnect with family and friends and to focus on my art. I’m not so naïve to believe that I will have a successful career as an illustrator, but I have to make an attempt at doing so before I write it off. I won’t be content unless I’ve given it my best effort and that’s where I am now, preparing to return and give it my best.

Knowing that this experience will come to an end in roughly 8 months I’ve set about making the most of my remaining time here. About a week ago I took a short 4-day vacation and headed down to visit a friend in Kyoto. The trip had the dual purpose of one, visiting a friend I hadn’t seen in about 8 months and two, taking in the autumn leaves in one of Japans most enchanting cities. As Darin can attest to, Kyoto is quite a magical place. With palaces, gardens, castles and countless temples and shrines, Kyoto is the Japan of most people’s imaginations. With that said though, it’s easy to get burnt out on temples and shrines in Kyoto. This happened to be my second trip there. I think I wrote a rather long passage about the beauty of autumn leaves in one of my mass emails, maybe during my first year. I won’t go so far as that now, but let’s just say it gets to me. It also gets to about 90 percent of Japans population. With up to date reports online, in newspapers and on newscasts, the “koyo” as it’s called, is a well-documented phenomena in Japan. People flock from all over to go to the best viewing locations. Kyoto with It’s antique charm is one such a place. Despite the throngs of people, it was a great trip.

Some other trips in the pipelines are a road trip during winter break to Kyushu (The southern most island of Japan’s 4 major Islands), a romantic get away for 2 at an Onsen (hotspring) resort on the Japan Sea, A tentative bike tour around Shikoku (another of the 4 major islands) following the 88 temples pilgrimage route, a 4-day hike through the Japanese Alps, lastly if timing and funds permit a trip to the Philippines. We’ll see how many of those plans become a reality. I’m going to try my best to get to the Philippines, it’s part of my ancestry that I don’t identify with but feel it compelled to explore. Especially so, considering how accessible the Philippines is from Japan.

At this point I should wish everyone a happy belated Thanksgiving, as it’s been almost a week since I sat down and began writing this post. I’ve been struck recently by the overwhelming sensation that I’m becoming an adult. One reason is the number of wedding invitations and engagement announcements I’ve received in my inbox in recent months. I was again hit pretty hard by the fact when Nancy and I sat down for Thanksgiving dinner. It was the first Thanksgiving meal I cooked entirely on my own. The menu included a tofurkey made from scratch, stuffed with apple raisin whole-wheat stuffing, and with garlic mashed potatoes and sautéed green beans as sides. Of course no Thanksgiving is complete with out pie, so to top it all off, a home made pumpkin pie. As we popped open a bottle of red wine and prepared to sit down to our Thanksgiving meal Nancy and I began the clichéd tradition of stating what we are thankful for. Receiving wedding invitations, preparing my own thanksgiving dinner with, such seemingly insignificant occurrences imply a coming of age. I’m by no means resistant to adulthood; I’m not trying to cling to my fleeting youth here. I’m 25 for goodness sake, that would just border on absurd. Rather it’s just a sensation, which recently, has been recurring.

I’ve included a few from my trip to Kyoto as well as a set documenting the creation of a tofurkey. Also I’ve included the final version of my fall inspired work, titled Unravel: Falls Passage. Hopefully the bay area isn’t as frigid as Japan. I look forward to the string of responses that will hopefully result from this post. All of you are in my thoughts this holiday season.

Words: (Reading has slowed lately)

The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp

This book was recommended by a former instructor, Bob Ciano. It was actually required reading for a course, though given time constraints I skimmed the contents. “Talent is nothing without wisdom” and wisdom comes from the habitual process of creating. The author, a renowned choreographer, offers various insights into the importance of persistence, discipline, and routine in the creative process.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig

Actually I ended up putting this one down for a while and just recently returning to it. It’s Insightful philosophical inquiry into the values of modern society. Not a light read though, hence having dropped It and

Notes:

Kylesa- Spiral Shadow and Static Tensions

I looked into Kylesa at Nyk’s recommendation. I find myself really enjoying the sludgy riffs. I also like that the band leans a bit toward psychedelic rock while still being very metal.

Charles Mingus- Black Saint and the Sinner Lady

If you haven’t heard this LISTEN TO IT! I've been on Jazz trip lately and while alot of the recordings I'm listening to are amazing, Black Saint and the Sinner Lady is phenomenal. I haven’t had an album hit me this hard in long time. It’s manic, a musical psychodrama, and possibly one of the most emotive pieces of music I’ve ever heard. It could be classified as jazz but Mingus and company freely jump from genre to genre here, occasionally degenerating into what seems to be chaos. Of course, it’s orchestrated chaos and it works beautifully, never seeming contrived.

Best,

Nikko